so full of anger

i'm trembling. I scare even myself with the force of the emotion. I'm furious, I want to smash things and I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I keep jumping from a sort of righteous joy to a sickening feeling of regret, terrified i've made the wrong decision, that i'll miss what i can no longer have. Got to be strong, got to ignore the urge to crawl back on my belly, to try and make things right. Full of a disgusting self-pity, a big space in my chest that makes me sigh often and deeply. And underneath it all this anger, this burning, hateful anger. I just want everything to be what it was an hour before, but then do I? Such confusion. Such anger. So I tremble.