hello pretty lady.

I decided, after so thoroughly enjoying Hyperbole and a Half during chemistry today, I thought "hey you know what, i'm going to do my own paint-job montage in it's honour." Turns out though, it's harder to think of things you'd like to 'comic strip' then you'd think. Finally I settled on a recent heartfelt battle of mine with all that is good and pure in the world.

Yes, i'm talking Leona Lewis.

It all started with my recent purchase of FFXIII (to you non-geeks out there, that's the latest Final Fantasy game), only to discover the 'theme tune' to the game is none other than Leona Lewis' 'My Hands'. Naturally my reaction went something like this:

One hour into the game.


Gorgeous yeah? I made special effort with the brows. Caterpillltastic. Anyway, it's fair to say I was pretty appaulled, not being the greatest fan. She just generally gets on my nerves with her absence of personality and tampon-advert songs..."I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding" That's nice love, now shutttt it. I began playing, relishing the corny characters and fancy special effects, the song kept popping up...
Two hours into the game.

I tried to hold back the vomit best I could...

Three hours into the Game

But it just wouldn't stop...

Four hours into the game

It was a battle of wills. Me, versus Leona. Who could hold out the longest?

Fifth hour of game play

The urge to hum grew strong in me. I was succumbing to all those flashy images, my hands covered in a thin layer of greasy controller sweat and I was developing a twitch in my eye. Nobody ever said war was pretty.

Six hours into game play

Like Ginger in Black Beauty when that asshole rides her too fast and her chest gets all blotchy - my spirit was broken. I just couldn't hold out against Leona's caramel smooth mindfucks any longer.

Seven hours into game play

...and the battle was lost. As my younger brother Leo will tell you, I was making a "bloody racket." I wouldn't even say I was still human, but something darker. Part xfactorpophitradiooneloving, part leonatron.

Watch out. First she gets the geeks, then she comes for the rest of you.

You've been warned.

P.S And with that Leo's just got off the xbox so i'm off! ;) gonnnnna have me some Leona lovin' FFXIII funtime.