i think i need to say

you worry that you're getting more distant from people and yet it's all your own doing. I know you'll read this, and instantly know who you are. Perhaps I should just say this to your face, but I don't want to have an argument about it. I just want you to know, really. Know that I don't feel half as close to you as I used to. That I don't consider myself one of your most important people anymore and that the word 'boyment' wouldn't even cover it. I'm tired of playing second best and never being enough company. I know you genuinely don't mean to do it, don't see the damage you're doing. But to be honest i'm pretty sick of having to make all the effort all of the time. There are other people I enjoy spending time with, who I talk to far more than you, and I think maybe it's time we started going other ways. I know we'll stay close because of school but I don't think you're going to instantly be the person I think of when i'm wondering who to to go town or the cinema with. I just think about how close we use to be, how high we placed each other in our lives and it just isn't the same anymore. When was the last time we went to town and you didn't feel the need to go see him? Or call him? Why can we not just spend one night without ending up hanging out with him? I understand you want to to see him but i'm tired of my company never being enough. Clearly if he isn't there it isn't worth the effort, so i'm going to stop making the effort. We can just hang out at school and parties and stuff I guess. I just think the times when we used to go on bike rides and hang out at each others houses is coming to an end.

If you think about it we've had a pretty good run, i'm just tired of being taken for granted all of the time. You figure i'll always be around no matter what, in those spare moments when you aren't seeing him. Well sorry I don't fancy waiting around for your scraps of attention. I hope he's enough, I think you'll read this and throw a bit of a paddy and vex and worry. You'll make a big new effort to spend time with me, and it'll last maybe two or three weeks but soon it'll just turn out like this again. I'm sorry, I don't like getting boyed. So, have fun I guess but don't expect to have your cake and eat it anymore.